I wanted to do something for Rakkasah this year that would express who I am as a woman as a whole. I knew the audience would be expecting something wild and unpredictable, but I didn’t want shock value this time….. they are already expecting it and get it….. I wanted the audience to get a look inside my heart and soul from a deep and personal place. When I dance my solo I try and give a different prospective of the show. I never want the audience to forget that I am a belly dancer and that is my root and what I love the most. Yes, all the fusion is fun, but what makes me happy is not always what my audiences would expect.

I didn’t tell anyone what I was going to do. I didn’t rehearse it during our dance company rehearsals, and no one knew what music I was going to use… including me. I had an idea, but to tell you the truth, I was scared. Yes… scared that the audience wouldn’t understand what I would be trying to release and offer as an artists…. Myself.

When I had to envision the solo I couldn’t help but think of Isabella. I spent years on stage indulging in my own ego. It was wonderful and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Now my life only makes sense with my family to come home to. This weekend I was getting ready for Tribal Fest and while I was putting my make up on and turning into “Suhaila Salimpour” with full make up, hair done wild, tight pants, and major bling bling, I heard from the bathroom “mom…. Wipe me”. In a split second I was brought back into reality and with a smile on my face went into the bathroom and took care of my daughter. So for me my life only makes sense knowing that I can have my own personal expression and also be “the mom and wife”. So how can I express that in a dance, have it be real and not choreographed and still come across.

The show was set, I just left a hole for my solo. We were doing some pieces from Sheherezade and I wanted to go out on the edge and do a Madonna and Britney kiss spoof at the end of my opening as to lead the audience down the “shock” path. They fell for it and within seconds the place was ready to gossip and I could feel some people dying to run to the computer to start the emails of opinions. The dances were edgy and sexy as to be expected. Then my daughter did a solo and the audience found it hard not to soften their hearts. The innocence and honesty was so “in your face”. When Isabella finished her dance I came out and stood at the edge of the stage waiting for her to bow. She ran and jumped into my arms and as my solo song began I held her and walked her out to the center of the stage. There we were, both mother and daughter in costume holding each other. I set Isabella down in the center of the stage facing me, not the audience. Before the show I gave her a very brief outline of what I was going to do and she seemed ready. She didn’t take her eyes off me as I danced for her and only her. I didn’t look at the audience once as this dance was a dance from me to my daughter. I was wondering if the audience would understand my sentiment and then I started to hear sniffling coming from the crowd. I felt I must have been hearing things. My dance was for Isabella from my heart to hers. She was singing the words with the song and her and I would smile, laugh, and then come to tears at the same time. The song was about being a mother and how I knew I needed to have this little angel come through my life. The dance was about how people said “what about your career” and having a child was so much more important to me. For me this dance was a very “Arabic style” dance. It was only emotion with the steps being mostly an expression of the music. With western audiences dancing to Arabic music is sometimes difficult to do since the audiences don’t understand the words. That is why having a more “show” approach makes more of an impact. But this time the song was a Western song in English, available for the audiences to feel. While the song was building I brought Isabella up to dance with me and we held each other and danced together around the stage. We were happy and I bowed to her and then she jump back into my arms as I walked off the stage. I put her down and was ready to begin the finale dance only to look over at all my girls in tears. I was in shock! I had no idea that this dance would have such an affect.

When I came off the stage and went back to my booth I was taken over with many woman coming to me in tears. Each woman with a story of why and how the dance I did for Isabella touched them. I was then moved to tears and happy to feel that the dance made such an impact on my audience. That is why I dance….. to move my audiences through emotions that go through me.

Last night I was teaching and I woman came to me that I had not seen in a year and thanked me for the dance I did with Isabella at Rakkasah. She told me that she held her face while tears streamed down her face the entire dance. She was inspired to return to class when she was reminded of why we dance. We dance to process our soul and deepen our lives experiences. We dance for ourselves, our mothers, and our children. Without being reminded the multi sides of being a woman, we forget ourselves. Yes, I am on the edge, I push the “traditional” aspects of this dance form, yet I only do solo’s of the utmost in tradition, and remind my audiences that I am also a mother. So for me I am not one without the other and I hope that I can teach my daughter this lesson. So in ones journey in life we must dance with all the sides we posses and not only “entertain” with one expression. “Who are you and what do you want to say as a woman” is how I open each emotional preparation class with my students. You should ask yourself the same thing each time you dance for yourself, your friends, or your audience. It isn’t about them, it is about you.