Kim...

Her hair was long and blonde. She sat behind the desk and was on the phone most of the weekend in her flowy Indian skirt and tank top. She never took one second of my workshop but, as assistant to my sponsor, tried valiantly to be a hostess and sign people in. But she was obviously distracted and even came in late for registration the second day because she was out late with “him” the night before. It was brand new love and not even a workshop with me could pull her away from the magnetic force behind this new love affair. A hopeless romantic my whole life, I would watch her through the glass door that separated the lobby from the dance floor as she held her cell phone in one hand and tossed her blonde mane with the other. Every once in a while her cheeks turned rosy and she glowed, blushing as he said something inevitably sweet to her. She looked to be in her late 20’s but I could tell she had never felt this way before; her reactions to this new love were so organically young in spirit.

The next year my sponsor brought me back for a 3-day level one certification workshop. This time the blonde, hair-tossing, love struck woman was in the workshop. She played a much more active role in sponsoring me this time around and I got to know her very well. Her name was Kim and she was a member of DC Tribal. She was actively involved and loving belly dance. She worked alongside her partner Marta, founder of the non-profit DC Tribal, to bring teachers to the DC area. I loved these gals! They really wanted to step out of the box and bring my certification program to DC - no matter what!

On the way to the first day of the workshop I asked Kim about Mr. Cell phone. She immediately blushed the same shade of pink I remembered from the year before and informed me that they were now living together and madly in love. He was a huge support system for her dancing. I asked how they met and she told me the story of the party they were both at where he was playing music and she was in a group dancing. They just locked eyes and that was it. Ah….the musician and the dancer…. but of course! I loved the fact that they were still together and razzed her a bit about how she was on the phone with him instead of training with me on my last visit. We both laughed.

Kim was not planning on testing, but by the end of the third day she was totally motivated by the demands of my format. She had never worked so hard in dance before and she loved it. She tested for level one and passed. Now, as anyone who has studied my format knows, passing level one is just the beginning, and maintaining and moving forward in your training only gets harder. As a result, Kim began an intense training program the day after I left.

It wasn’t long after that I got the call; Kim was thanking me for saving her life. She said it was because of the tough physical training that she felt a discomfort in her belly and decided to go see a doctor. If she hadn’t been doing my format and its demanding requirements, she would never have felt it. “It” being the huge tumor that had thankfully just been removed from her belly with success. She was also going through Chemo and was feeling very positive about the whole experience. She assured me that she was going to be okay and get back to working on her certification process soon after the Chemo was over.

I was in shock and told her to take it easy. She was so motivated that it was almost as if the idea of being able to work on her certification and training was synonymous with becoming cancer free. I was very supportive. Having lost my father to cancer when I was 9 years old, I know that having goals to live for make a huge difference in recovery. I would often say to Kim, “Hurry up and heal 'cause I have plans for you honey.” She loved it. The day of her surgery I made sure to get the results immediately since I had grown so close to her recovery process. She was so brave and gave me such inspiration.

Kim finally healed and all traces of the cancer were gone. She attacked her training full force and came out to the “mothership” in California many times to train with both me and my mother. We became friends and she was the sole sponsor of my certification program in the DC area. Kim was full of life and her positive outlook always made me appreciate her. She was still always a bit physically fragile but “he,” Mr. Cell phone, would drive her any distance and wait for her during my workshops since it made her so happy to dance. Then he would feed her and they would drive home together. I could see in his eyes how much he adored her and she would just melt in his presence.

It wasn’t long after that we got news that the cancer was back. It was such an inconvenience for her since she just wanted to train in her dance. But this time around she expressed herself differently. She didn’t want to talk about the second series of Chemo she was going through. She didn’t want to talk about how sick she felt. And she didn’t want to talk about the concept of passing into another world; that was just not an option. So we all just followed her lead. We carried on with our lives and didn’t really give the issue much consideration. The next time I saw Kim was at Rakkasah East in New Jersey. The Chemo had left her with no hair but she was getting ready to go on stage anyway. She was performing to a piece of music that her boyfriend had composed for her about her illness. The curtain opened and I got chills. She stood there in the middle of the stage and danced the anger, passion, fear and loss that were so inextricably tied to the circumstances. Tears just ran down my face throughout the entire piece. Her performance was so honest it actually made me sick to my stomach. I heard her loud and clear.

I will never forget meeting with Kim at one of my New Jersey workshops two years ago. I had recently separated from my husband and was devastated. She came to the workshop for love and support. When we met for breakfast the morning of the second day, she had been up all night with notes on how to help me get on my feet. I felt so stupid even complaining about my life as she was fighting for hers. But somehow trying to figure out ways to save me got her mind off how she was trying to save herself on a daily basis.

The last time I saw Kim, I stayed with her and Paul (aka "Mr. Cell Phone"). They were living together and he was her total support system during this dark time. It was so romantic and tragic at the same time, but both were very solid and matter of fact about the process and nothing seemed to get them down. It was such a contrast to what I was going through personally, and it gave me hope.

Kim’s passing was devastating to many people. Until her last breath she was trying to focus on her training, ways to enhance my business, and keep herself integrated in bringing me and my certification program to DC. Kim visits me in my dreams often, always with that long blonde hair and rosy blush, talking on her cell phone on the other side of the glass door that separated the studio from the lobby. Kim is missed and will always hold a place in my heart.

The night of my performance had arrived. I had been sick as most travelers do and was struggling to keep my energy up. My head wasn’t in the right place to perform and it was all I could do to get food in my stomach. But it was important to me to dance in Egypt with the live band, so I held it together. Being a nightclub performer and having my start with an Egyptian band myself, I felt excitement to have that same experience in Cairo. Backstage there was chaos with dancers getting ready; each speaking a different language, and the band in Arabic making last minute changes to sets. There was so much going on, it would have been easy to allow the external focus to affect me. I had to take a step back, get centered, tap into my Level III emotional prep and find my core.

It was my turn to take the stage. I have always let the music lead me, but getting centered allowed me to trust my gut instincts and dance. As I took the stage, I could see in their eyes the audience was taking me in just as I did the previous dancers. The band played my favorite song, Leylet Hob, and I allowed the music to take over. It was freeing as my dance and trip came full circle. It was an organic mixture of feeling at home in Egypt, in my element and with the music. This trip wasn’t just about seeing the sights or dancing, it was an experience I did not set out to have, but glad I did.

* Nadira is a performer/instructor/choreographer based in Seattle. She is Level 3 certified in Suhaila's format. To read more about Nadira visit (www.nadira.com).

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My heart sank at the news of the death of Michael Jackson. I was in Kindergarten when I first learned of him - our class room had a poster of the Jackson 5 with Michael front and center. Not only did I grow up on his music, but I also was very much influenced by his dedication to his art and they way he fought to realize his vision. It was not easy to leave his brothers and start his own sound, fearing both the success and failure. But that is exactly what he did, and it always gave me hope...Read more of Suhaila's commentary on the passing of Michael Jackson on Suhaila's Blog!

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